Protect Kids from Cisnormativity and Heteronormativity (Blog)
Introduction
One of the common narratives of right-wing transphobic and homophobic bigots is the idea of “protecting the children” from so-called “gender ideology” and “sexual ideology”. In reality, kids are already exposed – even from the womb – to gender and sexual(ity) ideology. It’s called cisnormativity and heteronormativity – and that’s what we need to protect kids from.
Cisnormativity
As with language and other aspects of knowing, children learn based on what they are taught. In a household where everyone speaks English, the child learns English. Thus, the way individuals in the household present gender becomes what children learn.
So, when do kids actually know their gender? A study found that by 21 months old, 68% of children will use gender labels (girl, boy, pronouns, etc.) based on what they have been taught implicitly and explicitly, and they will associate these with other people. By 3 years old, a child can label their perceived gender. By 4 years old, children have a stable sense of their gender and have assumptions and beliefs of what they can and cannot do based on their gender and the gender portrayal of their household.
If children can understand their gender by as young as four, how do they learn that? Well, the two primary theories that examine how children understand their gender are cognitive and social.
Cognitive thinkers say that children are actively studying the environment and those they meet to construct their gender. As they learn their own gender, they take pieces they experience associated with that gender and apply it to themselves. This also means that gender is always fluid and changing because they are always learning.
By contrast, social thinkers say that gender is taught to young children and placed upon them even when children are not actively seeking it (i.e. through media, cultural beliefs, social expectations, etc.) Think of how some parents throw baby showers when they already know the sex of the baby, if the baby is female, it is likely most of the gifts are going to be pink, dresses, frilly, etc., and gender is already being taught to this child before they are even born.
Thus, a lot of how children understand their gender can be influenced by cisnormativity, which is often strictly enforced within society. Cisnormativity begins while the child is in the womb, and continues for the duration of their life. Cisnormativity refers to the assumption that a person’s gender should match their sex assigned at birth, and that anything else is “deviant”. Cisnormativity is a strict enforcer of the gender binary: it insists that everyone should be either “male” or “female”, and that things in the world should be catered to either “male” or “female”.
Some common examples of cisnormativity that kids are taught include:
Someone asking (a) new parent(s) if the child is a “boy or a girl” (which is really just asking what the child’s genitals are).
Gendered toys and clothing – either done through direct marketing (i.e. “building blocks for girls”) or heavily implied through colours chosen (pink vs. blue). There can also be judgment directed towards kids who choose the “wrong” toys or clothing – “isn’t that for boys/girls?”
Gendered bathrooms – not only are these catered towards cisgender men and cisgender women (urinals versus stalls), but these are exclusionary towards non-binary folks and others who would feel safer in a gender-neutral washroom.
Gendering classrooms or activities. Yes, some teachers will still separate classrooms by gender, or have activities that are “boys versus girls”.
Gender stereotypes – for example, a teacher who plans two field trips: one for the “boys” that involves sports, and one for the “girls” that involves a hairstyle and manicure. (Yes, this also still happens).
Automatically assigning a gender pronoun to someone based on their appearance, their name, or the “gender” labeled on their birth certificate.
The assumption that certain names are for “girls” and certain names are for “boys”.
The use of gender binary language (e.g. “boys and girls”, “brothers and sisters”).
Cisnormativity has an impact on trans, non-binary, and cisgender youth alike. For trans and non-binary kids, this means that they often grow up feeling alone, as though there is no one else who could understand what they are going through, or that there is something wrong with them for being who they are. Many are unable to find the language needed to fully describe who they are. For cisgender children, they grow up believing that “boys” and “girls” are the only two options for gender. This means that they are more likely to be prejudiced towards anyone who is seen as “defying” gender norms, which can lead to bullying and harassment. They may also feel pressured to stay within strict confines of the gender binary, meaning that they may reject toys, clothing, or activities that are seen as being only for the so-called “opposite gender”. Thus, cisnormativity prevents kids from exploring and expressing who they are. Dismantling cisnormativity in all systems benefits everyone.
Heteronormativity
Many kids understand their sexuality from a very young age. A study found that approximately 48% of queer individuals knew their sexuality in high school. Meanwhile, between 6 to 20% of queer individuals knew in junior high, while 11 to 17% knew in grade school. Another recent study found that at least 1% of children aged 9-10 self-identify as queer and/or transgender.
Similarly to gender, how someone understands their sexuality – and the terms they use to describe this – can be influenced by those around them. Thus, the strict enforcement of heteronormativity can play a role in whether or not children feel safe enough to label their sexuality (or can find the label(s) to describe it).
Like cisnormativity, heteronormativity establishes heterosexuality as the “norm” within society. Heteronormativity refers to the cultural bias that assumes all relationships are automatically between people of the so-called “opposite” gender – between a man and a woman.
Many people enforce a heteronormative narrative in their day to day lives, particularly on their kids from a very young age – communicating in a way that assumes everyone is heterosexual. It’s likely unintentional and so normalized that it’s not even noticed.
Some common examples of heteronormativity that kids are taught include:
Baby onesies that declare things like “ladies man” and “lock up your daughters”.
If a little boy is playing with a little girl, an adult may say: “Is that your girlfriend?” It’s meant as a cute joke, but it tells that (male) child that he is expected to have a girlfriend, at some point.
When kids are school age, often an adult will ask a child if they have any crushes or like anyone. A young girl might be asked, “do you like any boys in your class?” or “do you have a boyfriend?”
The automatic assumption that everyone has a “mom and a dad”. Not only is this heteronormativity and thus excludes queer families, but it also excludes individuals who only have one parent, or who don’t have parents at all.
Heteronormativity accomplishes two things: it 1) tells children that they are expected to be in a relationship, and that relationships are necessary in order for them to be “fulfilled” or “happy” (which is discriminatory towards asexual and aromantic folks, and 2) tells children that the only acceptable relationship is between “men” and “women” and anything else is wrong or deviant. Just as is the case with cisnormativity, this has a negative impact for both queer and heterosexual kids. Queer kids grow up feeling alone, and heterosexual kids grow up learning prejudice towards queer folks.
The Importance of Representation
The prevalence of both cisnormativity and heteronormativity in society means that queer and trans youth are often unable to see themselves represented – in curriculum, in books, in television shows, and in movies. This is problematic for queer, trans, and cis/het youth.
“Without representation, we are left feeling like we don’t have a place in this everyday life that is shown in the literature. We feel we don’t belong, or even aren’t meant to be where we are. We feel like we have no place with our families and friends or in school as who we are. This leads to not being honest about ourselves and sometimes hiding our various identities. For example, if we see no gay characters in the books we read, we may assume that they simply don’t exist. Then, when we see these identities in ourselves, we deny them and push them down– desperately trying to make ourselves believe that they don’t exist and that we are “normal,” as not being 2SLGBTQIA+. Denying our identities is toxic to our health. We must embrace who we are in order to live happily as our true selves. Good representation helps us with this process.”
According to a 2015 study, when materials used in classes are representative of 2SLGBTQIA students, they can help to create an equitable learning environment. An 2SLGBTQIA-inclusive curriculum may not only help 2SLGBTQIA students feel they are reflected in materials used in their school or classroom, but also help to play a role in reducing bullying and stigma by creating social-emotional learning opportunities.
Representation can take place in many different forms. Some examples include:
Inviting students to share their pronouns and if they have a preferred name (which can include a nickname or something completely different).
Inviting queer and trans guest speakers to classrooms and other youth spaces, or hosting queer and trans workshops.
Using books and activities with diverse characters. This can include diversity in name, pronouns, honorifics (e.g. “Mx Smith”, “Mr Black and Mr Black”), and portrayals of relationships.
Books (both by diverse authors and featuring diverse characters) are especially vital in promoting positive queer and trans representation. Not only does reading or being read to help kids develop vital language skills, but it also exposes them to new ideas and helps make sense of their emotions. As kids learn more about themselves and their identities, books become a refuge for exploration and acceptance. Whether it’s seeing a main character that looks like them thrive or the chance to escape reality for a little while, queer, trans, and cis/het readers of all ages can find something special in a book.
Representation is a direct counter to the enforcement of cisnormativity and heteronormativity. It is a reminder that queer and trans youth are valid, valued, and loved. It helps queer and trans youth know they are not alone. And it helps teach cis/het youth about the diversity of people, so that they can be more supportive and accepting towards their queer and trans peers. Positive queer and trans representation helps everyone.
Conclusion
As a society, we must work to dismantle systems that continue to perpetuate cisnormativity and heteronormativity. As individuals, we must challenge those who commit cisnormative and heteronormative microaggressions, helping to educate them on the importance of inclusion. And as a community, we must work to protect kids from the harms of cisnormativity and heteronormativity – by ensuring that our language, books, television shows, movies, media, and society is inclusive and celebrates queer and trans people. The real “ideology” we need to protect kids from is one of exclusion.
